Whole-hearted living with Clare MacGoey


In this episode of the Happiness Hive Podcast, Catherine chats with Clare MacGoey.
Moving from being a burnt out startup exec, CFO and start up venture capital advisor to a whole-hearted living Coach, listen as Clare candidly shares with us the power of giving herself a permission slip to stop.  Clare candidly admits to being certified in people pleasing, highly accomplished in meeting other’s needs and successfully getting referred to rehab for exhaustion by the age 40, if you’ve ever suffered from busy woman syndrome, this is the podcast episode for you!

In this episode you’ll also hear:
– why Clare felt she needed a permission slip to stop
– how a spreadsheet helped Clare to finally learn to say ‘No’
– how the Hoffman process brought Clare back from exhaustion
– the difference between being energy and doing energy
– what Heart Math is and a basic technique you can try at home… and so much more!

Join Catherine’s membership The Happiness Lounge here

Connect with Catherine here:

Connect with  Clare MacGoey here:

This podcast is produced by Nikki O’Brien from Quintessential Being



Read Full Transcript

I'm super excited for today's chat as I always am. I have a gorgeous guest from America. I've got
clamour goalie. And I've known Claire for the past, I think we met two years ago as part of our spiritual
psychology studies. And we haven't met in person, but it's been absolutely beautiful to be in class with
Claire, and to reconnect through those studies. And I'm really, we have a lot of similar interests. And I
want to find out all about those when I chat with Claire today, but before I introduce and welcome
Claire, I just want to read out the first little bit of her bio. Claire is a mum to three. She's an IPS pet Brit
living in America, an entrepreneur, a retired startup exec, a chief financial officer, and start up venture
capital advisor. And her past experience includes skills in doing and multitasking. Her language skills
she's accomplished at the use of the English word, yes, she's certified in people pleasing. She's highly
accomplished in meeting other's needs. And she successfully achieved being referred to rehab for
exhaustion by the age 40. Trying to accomplish all of the above. Oh, my goodness, Claire, we're going
to unpack all of that. But welcome. Welcome to the podcast.
Hi, Catherine. Thank you so much for having me on.
Oh, I'm really, really excited to. Yeah, so Claire, tell me, I'm just going to ask you first of all, you're an
expat, Brit. So from England, but you're living in America. When did that? When did you move to
I lived in England till I was 10. And grew up in Scotland, Edinburgh from when I was 10, and then
moved here about 12 years ago.
Oh, awesome. And living isn't Massachusetts. You're living in
now in Massachusetts, but I spent 10 years in New York. Oh, wow.
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Oh, gosh. And you're in Australia. Were moving into summer. So we'll be in summer, and you're moving
into your AU? You'll be in winter?
Wear for going into winter? If we're not already there. Yeah,
yeah. It's super cold. Is it super cold? Where you?
Really it was like 70 degrees about two or three weekends ago. And then it suddenly just dropped and
it's starting to get ice outside?
Yeah, were the opposite. We've been really cold here. And it's just starting to warm up. So it's a later a
later summer for us here. Tell me about the change in. So you were working in corporate world. You're
an executive and working with startups. Tell me a little bit about that.
Yeah, I got in. Well, I had my own business. I was an entrepreneur in the UK, in Edinburgh, and did that
for five years before I moved to New York. And then my compromise when I couldn't really start another
business straightaway. Because I had to get a visa was to work in startups, doing finance, which is
what I did before I was an entrepreneur. And my compromise was CFO for startups. And I kind of got
the fun and the excitement of the startup world. And, you know, being like the fundraising and the
strategy and the growth and all that fun, exciting stuff without it being my company. And it was great
fun, and I loved it. And I started to realise I was always the only female on the leadership teams I was
on and I was always the only parent started to change some of the some of the men I worked with
started having families, but I think I realised that trying to juggle both was just becoming impossible, or
Yeah. Do you know what I've, I've been there as well working with young kids. And I know a lot of our
listeners are in that space as well. That they're balancing raising families and work as well. Yeah, yeah.
My setup just wasn't geared up for it. I had a, you know, my husband was working as a CFO, and he
was in private equity as well. And and it was just a lot of carrying for both of us on the doing the work
So what happened then, so you worked. So you were working in that space and found it really exciting?
It sounds busy, like it sounded
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to stop exciting. Well, I was I started getting sick. I was just constantly exhausted constantly. You know,
it was things that I've just put out of pregnancy and then then it would be the newborn phase. And then
I'd be like, well, it's just got a new baby, of course, I'm going to be tired. And I was constantly at the
chiropractor, then it was constantly adopted, and it was more blood tests. And it was always kind of
seeing either being pregnant or postpartum. So there was always kind of an excuse. It was always like,
well, of course you're gonna be tired and cause you're gonna feel
Yeah, yeah. And because how old are your children? How old are your kids?
Eight, six and three, maybe four.
Okay, so the young Yeah, the little little ones there. So you will You're working, but also always this
tiredness and when
sick but couldn't really get a clear mystery illness just like somebody suggested Lyme disease or there
was tests for autoimmune disease, there was always another test for something else to try and go out
but no clear. Here's what's wrong with you. And here's a magic pill that will make it all go away. Okay,
what happened then I took a break from working
full time, I decided to take a three month kind of mental health, reset and decide what I wanted to do. I
got a career coach never finished that. But in my three month career break, I found out I was pregnant
again, with my third I had to at the time, and I was like, Oh, my God, I can't like I just couldn't go and
take on another full time gig while trying to deal with that. So I did some I started consulting, I had a
kind of small consulting practice, and I did advisory for VCs and startups. And it still I just still found my
energy was always low. I was always trying to kind of spin plates and juggle and please people and I
wasn't, I was awful at saying no to anything. I just couldn't do it. I just was like, couldn't be I couldn't be
seen as not a nice person or a bad person. Or, you know, I remember one day when I was working for
a client and one of my best friends that just died. I found out that morning, and I was heartbroken. I was
sobbing and I was crying. And my, my client had asked me for something that they wanted a report and
some numbers that day. And I remember texting her and just saying I'm sorry, I've just had a close
friend pass and I'm just I can't get this to today. You'll have to be the next couple of days. And she
wouldn't take no for an answer. And I just remember sitting there and sobbing and the whole, you
know, just sitting there I put myself on my laptop and through like streams of tears. I was like, I look
back and I'm like, I was like in so much injustice of how dare she make me? Yeah, yeah. Made me.
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So what happened? Did she did you do that? Or was that kind of a breaking point for you that
before the breaking point, it was in the run up to the breaking point. And then I think when I was still my
son was my youngest not so my middle child at the time was going through some developmental
delays and diagnosis and were in developmental paediatricians with him, and I was running him around
speech therapy and occupational therapy and physical therapy, trying to coordinate, you know, just all
of this stuff. And it was just I was going to my therapist every week, it was like, I don't know how I'm
supposed to do. actually bringing you if you'd like me, then she'd bring some with me. And she just I
think she just watched me again, more and more and more burned out. And eventually she went Claire,
she's like, she tried to get me a break at Hotel, she's like, You need to go to hotel and sleep for two
days. She's like, Go tell your husband just take shape. And I was like, Okay. And that became a bit of a
negotiation for kind of his schedule. And when we could plan that. And he's like, Well, maybe we can
work in like, you know, for three weeks from here or something. And I'm like, You're not hearing,
like scheduling in having the breakdown, or the check in before you have that.
I was begging, if I'd had some blood tests out if I was desperate for some hurt, almost desperate for
like, just give me the worst diagnosis possible. Somebody can just put me into bed for or give me a sick
note for two weeks or something. But nobody, I never got it. It was
interesting, isn't it that almost wishing that that there was something that almost legitimised that you
could have,
I could get permission slip, because I wouldn't give myself permission slip. It's like I needed that
permission slip to be able to take a break and stop driving myself and trying to keep everything spin.
Oh my gosh, like, what you're sharing there, that sort of putting other people's needs ahead of your
own, like I'm in the lead up to things and then when you start looking after yourself, it's it's like, oh my
gosh, when can I even schedule this in? I'm working with the client at the moment who sounds very she
could be your twin sister, I think. And I think she could be your twin sister.
It's I just I think it's so much more common than people give credit for acknowledge.
Yeah, and I think also and it's probably true for men, too. But I know it's true for a lot of women about
that busyness of just keeping all the plates spinning in life and how to do that and often the plate that
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falls is our own that we're there we're so busy looking after others that we are that feeling that we have
to look after them that often our plates the one that drops
completely and it's I think it's conditioning as well and you know, intergenerational stop and take a
break I never saw my parents take care of themselves for themselves. It's the mentality of you can't you
rest when your work is done. And for me the workplace for the to do is just kept getting bigger and
bigger, bigger and that was like I couldn't ever give myself permission to just stop because there was
always something that had to get done and it was the list was getting bigger and bigger. The lists got
the more stressed I was just hold it all together.
Yeah. Do you remember? I'm just curious. Do you remember your self talk? Been? Like what you
would tell yourself?
Yeah, it was constant victimised, victimhood? You know, this is so like, I wish somebody could just see
how much I was carrying, like, it was just a need to be seen. It was like, if I could, if somebody could
just get it, they'd understand and they'd be able to give me, I don't know, tell me how impossible it was
what I was trying to do. I kept searching for the magic solution. I, I kept telling myself I was doing it
wrong, like other mothers must be able to do this. You know, there must be a playbook that I just
haven't got the right. Somebody hasn't given me it. I just find the playbook with how to do it, and
bounce it off. And I'll figure out, that's so
common, I think, and I've experienced that as well. It's just like, Am I doing it? Right? I don't know what
I'm doing. It feels like I'm making this up as I go along. And I feel like I'm doing it wrong. To me
that it just wasn't possible. I was challenging. I'm just, I was living in Manhattan in New York City. It's an
it's an energy of Go, go go. You know, it's just, you're surrounded by people who are all kind of on a
similar treadmill, and all trying to prove their unworthiness and be somebody and keep everything
going. And you're not in an energy where there's any room to play. They just pause.
Actually, that's interesting. I haven't been to New York, but the way you've described that is how I would
imagine that as well. So what happened? Did you get some time, like tracking back to scheduling in a
break for yourself? Did you get to have that break?
I tried to schedule a two night break and hotel to sleep and just recovering. I just put myself back
together. And I was so burned out. And then eventually my therapist realised that wasn't happening.
And she's like, look, you've got to go to rehab for exhaustion. Like you can go to rehab fix, or she was
like, Yeah, I was like, what do they do? She's like, they'll let you sleep. They'll let you get lots of rest.
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Wow. So your kids would have been really little, you would have had
a hit my youngest was less than a year, he was maybe 10 months, my middle was to my oldest for I
think four or five.
So what happened in rehab for you?
I didn't, I didn't end up going but being given that permission slip that it's almost like validation, or that
somebody was seeing me for how broken I was. And there was really a way that I could go and there
was somebody that could help me. It almost just opened up space for Okay, something has to give
something has to stop something has to change. And I did I found the rehab place I was looking at I
was all set going I told my husband was like he came home from work early for the first time ever I was
like oh my god he's
so it's almost like the permission slip that you got almost had this flow on effect that others could see
that you're exhausted. They probably could see it anyway.
I think I mean, if it looking back at pictures of myself, I was like skin and bone in my I was just like I was
emaciated looking. I was just gone. I was there was no life left in bed in the morning like I would my
body would have so much physical pain. Like we didn't know if it's fibromyalgia or whatever. It's all my
hands and knees crawling out of bed for the first few minutes. Every morning. I was in so much pain, I
couldn't walk. Oh, well get my kids out of bed. But when I heard him cry, I'd have to just crawl because I
couldn't wait on my feet. I was in so much pain.
Oh my goodness. Isn't that amazing how the body like the body tells us? The body tells us the mind
tells us sometimes we don't listen, do we? Sometimes we don't pay attention or like you said, needing
that permission slip to
official permission slip that was here's your SEC note. Here's what you've got. Here's a permission slip
to rest or you know, do less or
how did that change? Then once you were kind of given that permission slip? How did life start
changing for you? Well, I
knew I had to do something and I there was either rehab or something else. And I was I ended up doing
a process called the Hoffman process, which was my alternative to rehab. I don't know if you've heard
about it's like a seven day you go off the grid you hand in your cell phone, you don't get it back for
seven days. There's no outside contact with the world. There's no contact with your kids. You're just in
immersion in the process.
So where did you do that? Were you Did you go somewhere to do that? Or was that just part of the
Connecticut? Yes, residential. You're in? You're in for seven days General. Okay, gave me such a
reset. It really helped me I fell in love with myself. Sounds crazy, but I didn't know what self love was.
You know, somebody said self love to me before that I'd have probably been like, Yeah, I'll go and get a
massage or I'll get a pedicure and I didn't really get it. So I came back just glowing of compassion for
myself compassion for my, my, my kids, my parents, my you know, everybody in my life. It was just an
elevated state I came out and wow Just a massive acceptance for how cruel I've been to myself and
how much I've been trying to do that wasn't humanly sustainable.
Wow, tell me more about how because a lot of people, I talk a lot about self love, and how you go about
that what was sort of the process Claire to get to that stage? Because it does sound like it was a little
bit of a rehab for you. It was like that reset.
Yeah, it wasn't as funny as that. The one thing about the Hoffman process is that nobody actually talks
about what goes on in there. So people that do go into it have a kind of no expectation type,
experience. And some of it is a bit wacky, it wouldn't make sense. It's basically a very curated,
orchestrated journey of self discovery that takes you through an identification of all of your patterns that
you, you have kind of identification of where you've gotten from like your panic, controlling
procrastinating. people pleasing, and it takes you on this kind of journey through what you'd like
acknowledgement of what your childhood experience was, you know, letting go of any anger, frustration
around things that weren't so perfect, you know, in some perfect idealism world. And then it takes you
through this, it takes you up and through compassion and forgiveness, and then it brings it back to you
and allows this beautiful expression, compassion, forgiveness, self forgiveness, and ultimately, it just, it
doesn't tell you how to find self love. But the kind of aftermath of it is you find self love.
Yeah, I didn't, I love that so much. And it's about really understanding who you are at your core. And I
could imagine that you were so busy before that, that wasn't even a priority for you to take that time.
It just, it was a massive paradigm shift for me, I just released so much, if they call it 10 years of therapy
in a week. So I let go of so much. That was like expression that was anger, you know, expression stuff
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and a somatic type of expression. And it was very raw and very obtuse, and a lot of very healing and
very, I just came out feeling very light, and energised. Yeah. And I think it wasn't my kind of, I came out
almost a bit naive or kind of obnoxious or like, I've got this I'm sorted now.
Maybe that false sense of security around what you've been through. But that's, that sounds like a
positive experience, to be able to unpack who you are, and really get to know who you are. And also
the forgiveness to me is a big piece in self love. I think myself included a lot of people that I know and
work with very critical and very judgmental of selves. And you know, sometimes of others, but it's about
forgiving. The the way that I've spoken to myself the way I've treated myself, and that compassionate
self forgiveness, I find that to real. Yes, there's a real kind element about being kind to myself is part of
self love for me, and really acceptance. It's about accepting myself as I am without the year but or the if
I only did this differently, it's about that true acceptance of who I am. That's when my self love the I kind
of, I don't know, if struggles the right term, but I'm a bit like you to self love. Yes, sure. I spend some
time for myself and I go get my hair cut. And, but it's actually for me, it's much deeper than that. And it's
really, I did some work. You know, mirror work, you know, from Louise Hay when you just look in the
mirror of a morning and just look into your eyes in the mirror. And I would say to myself, I really love
you. And the first time that I was doing that I'd go. Yeah, I didn't know. It just didn't feel right. And then it
was just this continuation. And then there was one day that I just went, actually I really love you. I really,
really, really, and it was almost like I could feel like you were saying this likeness. And this year, it was
beautiful. It was beautiful. But that's only been the last, you know, recent, probably 10 years, like I'm 56
That's, that's only been the last recent, sort of the last 10 years or so of my life that I've been doing that.
So my goal is if we can share some tips with people that might help, you know, everybody's got their
own journey, but if we can sort of give some you know, pearls of wisdom that maybe people don't have
to go down our paths Yeah,
yeah, I will say that for me the Hoffman process it was amazing and it was a paradigm shift and he was
right them but I realised coming out of it. I didn't change enough in my life. Like I kind of went back to
the same environment and the same triggers and Same to do list in the same life. And before long I
was, you know, finding myself pretty much back in the depths. So I then had to do the real work, which
was how do I create a sustainable way of finding that, you know, compassionate way to live and
wholehearted living as I kind of call it?
So what does that look like for you? How do you do that?
Well, I have to tell you, I had to completely, like, just let go of my to do list and not live and die by that I
used to measure myself on how many things I got off my to do list before I went to bed, I'd still be in
bed on my phone sometimes being like, and now I just I literally almost laugh at myself, I'm trying to get
validation from that. And I have to rethink how I get validation and get my, you know, high fives myself,
like going for a walk every day out in nature in the woods. do that every day, high five myself for that.
Wasted time because you think you're going for a walk. And now it's like well done. If you did one thing
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today, you drop the kids at school, you're out for a walk in. And I do that before scheduling any clients
before emails before anything.
That's almost like your priorities have shifted.
And I've got I used to, I used to always feel like couldn't say no to scheduling clients, I'd always try and
jam more in than I physically had, I had one good awareness trick I did. I think I did this a couple of
years ago, when I was doing executive function coaching as a client, I thought I was still on track of if I
can just figure out how to maximise my time, I'll be able to do everything I want to do. And I had like, it
was almost laughable. Now looking back, I've got a whole game wrong. Like I don't want to do all that
stuff. But I did this analysis, this was my CFO hat on trying to move into this new way of living. And I
was like I took all of my things I had to do in the week or the month of the day. And I put them in a
spreadsheet and I put all the times and everything. And then I was going to do my ideal kind of you
know, how I was going to spend, I realised that all the things I was trying to do were literally double the
amount of available hours I had outside of sleep time. And it's really annoyed me and I was just like I
must have sat there with the spreadsheet, honestly, for two weeks wrestling, you know, maybe even
longer back and forward. Like what I could cut out what I could give up. And it was brutal. But seeing it
on, you know, a spreadsheet, which was my old way of hearing it literally, there was no getting around
it, like I was constantly trying to do double what I had physical human capacity to do. Stuff had to give.
So I got really good at learning to just accept, I can't do the 150 things I want to
that's a really important bit accepting that you can't do it all. I again, I have experienced that not so
much now, but a lot of one of my clients are experiencing that. And they feel that they have to do it all.
And you can't. So I That sounds like a really interesting and powerful exercise, just to sort of look at
how long things actually would take and get a different perspective.
not enjoyable at all. It was brutal. And it was like there was no coming out of it. It was just sitting there
and going oh, what do I have to give up? Or what am i I'm wrestling with it but it was so worth I needed
to go through that I have to do that every now and again like when I suddenly find that things are
creeping in and I almost have to give myself what am one out mentalities like I got, I went through I've
gone through periods of getting I love training, I love, you know, personal development, I love. And I
always feel like I have to I can't just experience something like I couldn't, for example, I'm trying to be
HeartMath mentor, I couldn't just, you know, be a client of a heart, math, mental coach and learn the
Heart Math, I have to go and, you know, do the mentor training or, you know, same applies to probably
four or five different modalities. And I had to get a bit brutal with myself and be like, No, you can you
can experience these things as a client and you can give yourselves in our week. But you are not going
to go and do training on you know, this unless you want to do a training but finish this one first. And
then you can start the next.
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Oh, well. So it sounds like some self discipline there as well. And also, maybe a bit of a need to like
you're putting some extra pressure on yourself about needing to go and become an accredited in these
things instead of just maybe experiencing some.
It's like the drive that I used to have working in, you know, finance, corporate startup. Well, it was
always do more defer to do more. I like had to take that and reverse it and like pride myself on doing
less and it's a complete reverse engineering on how my brain has been conditioned to work.
Yeah, yeah. I've experienced that. Prior to COVID like I was busy. I was busy. Really busy in life. And I
was sort of saying to myself, I need to slow down and a little bit like you I didn't do the spreadsheet
analysis that I just was going do not this is not sustainable. I need to slow down and I need to look at a
different way of working. And then COVID head, and my business just stopped. And I was just like, holy
shit. That's not what I was wanting, I didn't want to just completely stop, you know how the universe
sends messages in funny ways. And it was just like, Oh my goodness. So for a couple of months, I was
like, like, I've got no work, I've got zero work. And I was really in this panic stage. And then I went, you
know, what this is a great opportunity to actually do, what I was wishing that I was going to do is to look
at how I was going to redo my work. And then once COVID sort of was upon us for a couple of months,
things did change in my work picked up, but it was a very, very different pace. And I've been able to, I
don't know if it's 100% sustaining, but my, I've been not so busy, and I've been probably achieving
much more. So it's how, by slowing down, and being in that being energy, instead of doing energy, I've
actually achieved more, I think and I felt much more peaceful about it.
I believe that I believe I used to my goal was always that it was to do have been mentality if I do more
than I'll have the kudos of the life a lot of the recognition or the money or the whatever it was, and then
I'll be happy and fulfilled and it was always constantly I'll be happy when I'll be fulfilled when I'll be when
I was like, when me on a hamster wheel when there was never any, it never got there, it was always
the next thing or the next thing and it was always so now I just accepted that it's what you've just said,
it's I have to be I have I can choose to be in that energy and feel enough, you feel happy and feel
uplifted and energised. And and by doing that, and getting into that energy in and making that my
priority of my day before I go and try and do you know session with a client or open my emails or
anything? It just the rest flows. Yeah, it's like it's just also back to front. But we're just we're taught it's
the other way of the do more have them be.
And you probably it's had the kids notice the difference? Or maybe.
I mean, it's hard to because they're growing and they're in different developmental phases anyway. But
yeah, I mean, they they get a totally different version of me now than they got pre so kind of my crash
and burn and wake up.
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Yeah, probably a bit more quality time with them and things instead, I remember when my kids were
little, oh my gosh, it was just like, come on. Let's go go go. And just trying to manage all these sports in
my work and drop off and pick up and all the things and I even have a saying to a girlfriend. Just these
last couple of weekends ago, I didn't know how I packed everything in. Like when the kids were little I
was sort of the primary taxi driver for them in the family and getting them from event. Yeah, yeah. And I
was doing a lot of activity myself and my work. And I'm just like, Oh, my goodness, I don't know. I did it.
But I can't keep that pace up. Now. I don't want to keep that pace up. Now, either. That's a very
different energy for me.
Yeah, I'm just I'm accepting that the more I overscheduled them with the new activities and running
around which I've gone through periods of doing all I'm teaching them is you have to be busy all the
time. And then when they're, you know, adults, they're not going to be okay. Just sitting and being
Yeah. And it's about breaking that cycle, isn't it? It's about breaking the cycle. And I, you've done some
lot of work with Dr. Joe Dispenza.
That's one of the that's one of the transformational things that's really helped me. Yeah, in the last few
Yeah. What was that? Because some people so for those people, Joe Dispenza, what sort of things
have you like, I love that his work and the breaking the habit of being yourself. He's kind of the model
that I use in life, but also with my coaching as well. So tell me what, what you've done through that
process. Clear.
I've done I've read write, and I haven't been yourself, he has a process in the back of that, that you can
do, which is a five week kind of self Guided Discovery journey, which was incredible. I use that at the
start of this year to let go of one of my patterns I was working on which was fear and you know, the
amount of healing I got through doing that. And anyone can do it, you know, if you just commit to it.
He's got I've done his online, progressive and intensive retreat, which anyone can buy. I think it's $299.
It's 25 hours of online training, but it's so worth it. Wow. Well, we've done that twice now. Because I just
wanted to redo it with a couple of friends and just re experience and I got a different awareness a
second time doing it. I've done three of his live in person retreats to advanced workshops this year and
an advanced follow up workshop, which were all incredible. I can't I could talk for days about those. It's
like Uh, some people call it a spiritual rain. But the the vibration and the energy through the retreat just
gets it lifts and it lives and it looks and I had, you know, a lots and lots of people have these crazy, you
know, healing or just experiences and I had my own too. So like felt energy moving through my whole
body like my head was doing these weird things in a meditation, it was jacked back, my mouth started
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opening, I was like other what's going on? Like, it was like my body was doing its own thing. Wow, like I
just can't explain it. But the I got such a release, I felt energy moving through me and I, I got all the pain
back, I had the physical back pain, the fibromyalgia type stuff, the chronic fatigue syndrome, all the stuff
that I kind of let go of, or that Hoffman retreated or crept back with living the way I was living. And then
a Joe Dispenza retreat, I had it all go again.
Oh, wow. And you know, what I'm hearing there is. And I say this a lot too, when we're doing any sort of
personal development, self discovery, we don't do it once, and then that's all sorted. It's like hygiene,
we don't have a shower once and then we're clean for the rest of our lives, we've got to keep working at
it, you know, it's really becomes the daily lifetime practice, to be able to sort of keep in that space, but
also what you were sharing clear around, being in the energy of like minded people, for me, that is just
like, I'm very discerning with who I hang out with and who I want to be in presence of, because I want
that, I want more of that. And we find that through our spiritual psychology classes that we're doing just
being in that energy of like minded people who are, you know, just wanting to be the best versions of
ourselves. Yeah, that's what I'm hearing from you there, too. That just,
yeah, I love being around and just being able to talk to so many incredible people. And I just, I've lost
the I've lost the will and any desire to just have small time idle chit chat with anyone these days.
You know, I'll leave it like that, too. I still do that. But I do some, I'm better able to manage myself in
those spaces, like where I can choose not to be there. But sometimes in life, I can't choose not to be
there. But I'd be better able to manage that internally, I think, what's some of your daily practice now?
So what does your day sort of look like? You said, you go for walks in the morning,
I try and most days do a Dr. Joe Dispenza. Meditation. There's also two pieces of Dr. Joe Dispenza
work that just, I couldn't just accept the Joe Dispenza work, I had to kind of go the next level behind
you. So it's two pieces of his model that I love, which are the Heart Math. So I said, I trained in the
Heart Math, and that is credible. And just even being able to do some heart coherence, you know,
every day brings my energy out gets me into a state of more presence, that that's really big. For me.
There's another piece of his model, which I'm also training in, which is open focused awareness
training, which is this concept of how we spend most of our days, most of us, all of us, if not hyper
focused on one thing, we get this very narrow focus. And it's not if you look at animals out in the wild,
they tend to be much more you know, in between naps and resting. But they've always got this open
kind of focused awareness on so if something is coming up to them, they can, they're aware of it and
they can switch from this open focus into this hyper narrow focus and be on alert they need to be, but
humans have become very just narrow, focused on all the time. So the open focus awareness concept
is retraining the brain to sit back into this state of open focused awareness. And it's one of the
foundation pieces of Dr. Joe Dispenza, his meditations, but I really struggled with it initially through his
work as like, what is this? He does these meditations it's like, imagine the space between your eyes in
space. And I'd be like, what, that space? Yeah, so I wasn't like a natural student that just dropped into
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his work and was like, Oh, I get it. I love it. It's taken me. Like lots of I had to get I got a coach who does
a lot of his work. And she was one of his corporate trainers and just Wow, you
really immersed yourself into it really immersed yourself into it, haven't you?
I find I get these blocks with some things. And I procrastinate, I can't get through a barrier. And when I
really feel like my, my soul is drawing me to something I'm like, we have to get through this barrier, no
matter what it takes.
Oh, I love that. I love that. And this sounds like a lot of retraining going on for you.
It's like neural rewiring, yes. Constant. Yes. It just has to become a foundation. It can't just be
something I do meditation or doing a you know, mental rehearsal to meditation and then go back into
the world of being triggered and being angsty about things. It's Just is bringing it into my day to day
Yes, yeah, it just integrating it into who you are. So not just a theoretical concept that I'll just do this
activity tick done, that you've really immersed yourself into that being very different to how you were
operating. Like it's a full immersion,
knowing I'm not going to be perfect knowing that, you know, I spent the first 40 years of my life, you
know, being stressed. And yeah, trying to do too much and reactive, and you know, how people think
it's normal to live, unless you want to go and get, you know, put on medication for the rest of your life.
Yeah, which I've got no judgement to, but I still have, I still find myself falling into kind of Kalinina old
neural pathways and having to go, Okay, that was a signal, you know, have compassion, do some
work. And I've got this lovely tool I do, I got from the Hoffman process actually called recycling, which if
I've gone through an event where I found myself with a pattern triggered, frustrated, angry, reactive,
something that I'm letting go of. Afterwards, I'll go and find quiet space for five minutes and do this little
neural rewiring process where I basically put myself back in that energy and then I pull the pattern out
of my body and I like more of it, change it rather than my hands, visualise the patent changing, and
then imagine this light energy flowing back into my body, and then put myself back into the experience
with this new way of being. And I like read, do I do it, do it. Naturally, My instinct is to be completely to
show up completely differently in the do over. And it's so funny, it's like doing that mentally, literally do
that enough times it starts to, you know, reprogram neural pathways. So there's more one on ones with
the alternative way of doing it.
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I love that and the rewiring our brains, you know, the neuroplasticity? Plasticity just fascinates me so
much about how we can rewire our brains, we can do things differently, but we can't. We have to keep
practising, we need it to become a habit, we need to be able to recognise when we're kind of forming
those old patterns, when we're slipping into the old patterns,
or is when it's happening and become the observer instead of being in it. Yes. Or second for one
second, two seconds, three seconds, whatever it is. And,
yeah, that's one of being a real big game changer for me is about recognising the patterns. And just
even stopping and having that pause and being the like that neutral observer of what's going on for me.
And often. That's enough for me to discover, okay, yeah, you're in that you're in that old pattern.
Sometimes it's the next step to say are why is this happening? Why am I in? Why am I doing what I'm
doing? And I get some insights from that quite often. Sometimes I don't. But then it's like, what do I
want to be doing or thinking differently? And so it's about actually breaking that cycle, like Joe Dispenza
says, you know, breaking the habit of being yourself, it's about recognising the patterns, having the
pause, and then doing something different. So that sounds like you've got some techniques around
how you do that, personally.
Yeah. And it's taken me a while to get there. But it's so needed.
You're yet until so you're working as a coach, now you've got your own practice as a coach, is that
I say I've reduced I've scaled it down from what it was because I made a conscious decision that I want
my kids at this age, I want to have that presence and connection with them. So I don't have as much
coaching as I want. Or I'd like I made a conscious decision that this is the mountain that works for me.
So they've got a boutique practice. I've got like, I've got weightless for clients. I keep it small, keep it
manageable. And I balanced my training, because I'm just still doing so much personal development
Yeah. And you mentioned before about that wholehearted living, that's exactly what you're doing.
That's what I sense from you. And when we connected, I remember you talking about that. And I you
have immersed yourself into it. And you certainly are living what you living the practice.
Yeah. And I took what I had too many clients for a bit. And it was getting to the point that the scheduling
and the coordination, I'd hired a I had an assistant virtual assistant working for me as well. It was like it
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was just, it was getting too much. Yeah, I was like, why am I doing all this? Like, this isn't I'm not living
the version of myself that I'm trying to help others to find I'm just not being true.
Yeah. Isn't that true? Like, I have often said to my clients do as I say, not as I do. It's like he's the he's
the theory. He's the practice but in life, I'm not doing that. And it's about recognising that as well. I
guess recognising the patterns. Could I ask you with the Heart Math, you're saying that part of your
practice is connecting with your heart is there Something a little way that you could share with the
listeners or maybe I'm asking too much there. But just for some of our listeners, this will be new for
them, as well as
basic techniques of Heart Math is just quick coherence technique and it's so easy. We can do it
together now. Yeah, sure. So close your eyes, it's probably easy, you can learn to do it with your eyes
open, but close your eyes, put your hand on your heart just to focus your energy there on your heart
centre. And start to take a few deep breaths in and out and study it to a consistent breath of like five,
six, count in five or six count out. And as you're breathing, imagine the breath is coming in and out of
your heart centre. Don't overthink it, just feel it, visualise it, imagine imagine joining the breath in and
out of your heart centre as if you're breathing in and out from the centre space in your chest
now bring to mind an elevated emotion, bring it into your body. It could be love compassion, gratitude,
joy I use an experience with my kids. So for a while I use the birth of my kids just to bring that memory
of that beautiful energy of joy and gratitude.
Love something that elevates you keep breathing in and out of your heart centre whenever you're
ready, you can take a couple of last breaths maybe your fingers wiggle your toes and come back to the
Or I love love love that. I had a beautiful image of our family when we were travelling in Italy and it's just
one of my favourite all time favourite family memories so much fun and joy and yeah, just beautiful. So
I've got that in my heart now so that was lovely. Our body
doesn't know the difference or heart doesn't know the difference between a real experience and a
visualised you know, thought experience. Yeah, and we we have to go do these you know, things to
make us feel happy and it's we've got access to just the visualisation or the experience from a memory
or anticipation thing to happen.
Oh my gosh, clear time just goes way too fast. Thank you. I really loved catching up with you today.
Thank you very much for that. We've got details if people want to reach out to Claire and one of the
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things Claire's not overly active on social media so she's really living her essence that we do have
details if if you do want to reach out to Claire in the show notes where you can contact her so thank you.
Hugs and being big happiness to you.